When you look at this picture, what do you see? A perfect marriage? A life of joy and love? I am sure they would be glad to hear that. I am positive that they would smile at each other like teenagers with a secret. They probably would not remark or argue with your assessment. And to be fair, I am sure they are happy and have only fond and happy memories to point to a perfect marriage. However, a perfect marriage doesn't mean rainbows and sunshine every day.
Let's pretend for a moment that they are going to take the time to let us in on their secrets.
(Commence fictitious interview)
Me: What a lucky couple you are, to live such a long, happy life together without problem.
Martha: Child, we aren't lucky, we're blessed. Blessed to have the strength, faith and will to fight for love. You think we've never seen conflict; believe we've never been hurt or did the hurting. You are mistaken, Child.
George: My Dear, we've seen the dark valleys same as anyone else. We're not above problems or immune from heartache. We didn't always believe we would make it here. You see, there were times when the anger spilled out, when the tears flowed down our cheeks; times when I wasn't so sure I even wanted to stand by my Martha anymore.
Martha: Now, Child, don't look at me like I'm some sad victim here. Honey, there were plenty of times in the last 60 years when I would have helped Ol' George pack up his things. Times when I didn't want to fix the broken, thought about tossing it out and just being done. That's how it's done nowadays.
Me: So, what's the secret? How did you get through those times? How are you standing her now with 60 years of marriage behind you?
George: Easy. We made a vow before God. We were committed from Day 1. We were just like any other young couple, starry eyed and blind.
Martha: We believed we would never disagree, that we would never see a struggle. We thought with love as true as ours, nothing could happen to cause us to falter. There would be no waves in our peaceful waters of true love.
George: And we were wrong.
Martha: Oh so wrong.
*I believe this may just be the moment the picture was captured, that moment when they have been through so much and are sharing their wisdom with you. They find that spark, that something that causes the girlish giggles to erupt from her and the sweet chuckle of years of friendship and love.*
Me: I just don't get it. Hundreds of thousands of people make that same vow, same promise, but they can't make it through the valleys. Your troubles just must not have been as bad as theirs.
Martha: We, neither one, ever had an affair. But we both wondered just what it would be like to have someone new, to go back to that "honeymoon phase" with someone new. Someone you were still discovering. A place where newness hadn't worn off and everyday was filled with learning more about your spouse.
George: I went through a spell where I would rather just be at work, so as not to have to be home, stuck in a routine with a wife and children. I craved the days of youth. The carefree days when everything is new and fresh.
Me: But you never gave in? You never decided it was just too hard?
Martha: Honey, anything worth having is definitely worth fighting for. There were nights when I would fall asleep not liking who I was. Nights when I just didn't want to be a wife anymore. In those moments God would give me a memory. A rich, beautiful memory of those first years. The day I married my forever love, my soul mate, my sweetheart. The day we moved into our first home. The day I told him he was going to be a father. Oh the memories, sweet precious gifts that they are.
George: Darlin', I can't say that I never thought about throwing it all away. I did think about it, but I could never picture my life without my Martha. Whenever I pictured the future, she was just always in it. There's just something to be said for making a commitment form your heart. You can't break a promise when God is your witness.
Me: But about when you grew and changed? What about when your interests changed and you could barely imagine being friends with him or her, much less lovers?
Martha: Child, you seem to think love is a shallow, on the surface kind of thing. That it is dependent on interests, looks and feelings. Love is the deepest emotion there is. It's the very fiber of our soul. There is no other emotion that God declared Himself to be. When He said, "I am Love," I sure don't think He meant as long as both like gardening and baseball.
George: When God stitches two hearts together in marriage, it's for forever. Plain and simple. Whether you both want to sit on the porch at 5am with a cup of coffee has no bearing on God's plan. Grow, adapt and discover each other.
Martha: And stop thinking you are the first wife to cry, the first couple to argue. The problem nowadays is that you don't see relationship problems worked out. You see failed marriages. You see disposable marriages. You see couples throw in the towel at the first upset. People bouncing from person to person just to stay in the honeymoon forever. But, when you're as old as we are and you're all alone or married to a person you don't know and you share no memories with, you'll just be sad.
George: That's right, people don't take marriage vows seriously anymore. That commitment wasn't a fair weather promise. You will see the valleys and you will have the struggles; it's all about how you get through them. Committed and faithful or flippant and weak.
Me: Wow, you guys have totally changed my view on marriage. I guess it's silly and immature for me to think it's all green grass and roses. I look forward to the day when someone sees me and my spouse celebrating years together and imagine we've never had a struggle. I sure hope I can pass on the wisdom you've shared with me.
In summary, every struggle, every valley and every hard time in your relationship is not signalling the end. It's just a test to see how important that vow you made really is. Will you pass the test? It's totally up to you and your spouse. Keep your marriage strong by praying for your spouse daily. Pray for wisdom to catch problems when they're small and to handle them in love. Remember God witnessed the vow you made, keep it, plain and simple.
God Bless and Much Love,
Melissa
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