Stop Asking if I'm Pregnant

No, I'm not pregnant. I'm chunky.

No, I'm not pregnant. Sometimes, I get sick to my stomach. 

No, it's not "time" for a family addition. I don't know when it will be, but it's not up to me. 

I'm tired of being asked if I'm pregnant and/or when we'll be having another child. 

It's not easy for me to get pregnant (this time). My 2y/o was conceived without the aid of medication, without calculations, without "trying". But when we decided we wanted a second child, we found out I was having some medical issues. There's not a single person that knows the entire story. Though some know bits and pieces, it's not soRachaRachaelI've told many people. The things going on inside me affect Michael, myself and, eventually, a future child. I have leaned on people for support and cried on shoulders of my true friends. I have not and will not, ask anyone for sympathy. The things we've gone through are just the tip of the iceberg where some couples trying to conceive are concerned. I do not compare my life to other's, but I can see that complaining about the time it's taken to conceive can be off putting to people that have endured much more heartache than I have. 

What I can ask is that people stop saying they "understand". Well, people that don't. People that haven't experienced the losses, the heartache, the constant pressure, the medication side effects, the depression I've battled, those people don't understand. Until you have seen as many negative at home pregnancy tests as a couple trying, yet failing to conceive a child, you will not get it. It doesn't mean you can't be sympathetic, it means shut your mouth, listen and just support. 

I also ask that people stop saying "you'll get pregnant when you stop trying." Those people don't understand what is wrong inside my body. I have to try, I have to make an effort, I have to be prepared. 

Ultimately, this is more a PSA than anything. Isn't it time we all stop pretending we know how someone feels, where they're coming from or what they "should" do and instead, be what they need? Sometimes I need a sounding board, sometimes I need advice (I'll be explicitly asking for your advice in this situation!) sometimes I just need a shoulder to cry on and to know that someone is there supporting me. So, I do my best to be that for my friends. And I hope that the people in my life will continue to support mine and Michael's decisions, respect our feelings and for goodness sake, STOP ASKING IF I'M PREGNANT. 

-Rachael