I'm Proud Enough to Do THIS:

From the time I started forming memories until I was 20 years old, I was SKINNY.

I wasn't healthy, I wasn't fit, but I was small. From 20-22, I steadily packed on the pounds. I was never at an unhealthy weight until right before I conceived my first child. I wasn't at an unhealthy weight according to the scale, that is, but I was very unhealthy. I was a heavy smoker, I was a heavy drinker, I cooked/purchased food with virtually no health benefits. I was sick. I was addicted to food, alcohol and cigarettes. I stopped caring at some point but would sit in my closet crying because none of my clothes fit. But still, I didn't wake up. Still, I kept doing what I was doing and being depressed because I was no longer the girl I was before. I weighed in at 162lbs the day I found out I was pregnant. To some people, that's not much. But I am fairly small framed, even at 5'7. I was at my adult heaviest and vowed to be active and healthy for my coming baby. And then the cravings started and the exhaustion hit. I walked a total of MAYBE 10 times during the ten months I was pregnant. I was laid off shortly after finding out I was with child and did not get a job during pregnancy. I stayed home, I watched too much tv, I ate and ate and ate and I slept as much as humanly possible. My house was never clean. I made up excuses about feeling bad when, truth be told, I had one of the most incredible pregnancies I've ever even heard of. I probably only vomited a dozen times. So much of it was in my head. I became a person I now despise. I treated my body and my unborn child unfairly. Even though I quit drinking and quit smoking, I was still living an unhealthy life. Then I got the news that you can see coming a mile away. I had gestational diabetes. I had put my baby's organs in jeopardy because I was being selfish. I had put my birth plan in jeopardy (it's more common for a baby of a mother with gestational diabetes to be born early and/or through c-section because of the baby's size.) Still, this was not the wake up call I needed. I can only admit some of these things now that I am looking back. I sit here with tears in my eyes because I am not only admitting these things on the world wide web, I am admitting them to myself. 

After finding out about the diabetes, I vowed to do better. I still was uneducated when it came to food, but I was at least staying within my carbohydrate allowances and, through the help of medication and diet monitoring, was able to stay in a healthy blood sugar range. 

At 39 weeks and 3 days, after 36 hours of induced labor, I delivered Noah Allen, my 7.14oz, perfectly healthy prince. (Here come the waterworks!) 

After delivery, I wanted to be back to my "normal size". HAHAHAHA. For some of us, it's actually impossible to ever return to prebaby body without surgery or drastic measures. But I was willing to put my body through hell because I wanted to lose that baby weight. Again, I was unhealthy. I would eat nothing but salad, even though I was breastfeeding and needed the nutrients and calories to support that. I was still sick. After being cleared by my doctor, I joined a gym with my husband. I got a personal trainer and worked my tail end off getting healthy. I started eating better, I worked out every single day and sometimes twice. I was still uneducated. I did way too much cardio and was completely uncomfortable with weight training. I, like a lot of women, was afraid weights would make me bulky. When in reality, weight training helps build lean muscle mass which burns more calories at a resting state and makes you unbelievably sexy. One more time, WEIGHT TRAINING MAKES YOU SEXY ;) 

So, I yoyo'd for a LONG time. I would eat really well then binge on sweets. I would work out hard, then take a rest day that turned into a rest month. I canceled my trainer, then I canceled my entire membership. But I started running/walking a lot. Still too much cardio, but I was doing something, which I will always say is better than nothing! So I learned a newfound respect for being active. I noticed my moods shifting, I noticed I felt better all the way around. I was able to be a better mother, wife and friend. 

Then, in May of 2013 (2+ yrs after having Noah and trying to lose the weight unsuccessfully) I joined a page on Facebook. Eliza's Journey Pound by Pound. I liked the water reminders and from there I just started keeping up with it. I found a weight loss challenge. One month of reporting weights, tracking calories in/burned and being active with like minded people. I was HOOKED to say the least. So I volunteered to be a leader for the next month. And here I am a leader in August, too. Not only have I come to love Eliza, all the leaders and the challengers, I have found a new respect for myself. 

For the first time in my life, I am PROUD of my body. I may not be as "skinny" as I used to be, but I am proud to say I am in the best, healthiest shape of my life. I am educated in fitness, I am educated and conscious with my food choices. I am so proud, in fact, I'm about to show you my progress photos :)  

Here's what I want you to take from this:

LIVE your life. But make good decisions. Treat your body right, it's the only one you get. And, most importantly, EDUCATE YOURSELF. 

Thanks for reading! Comments are welcomed :) 

Rachael S.